Searching for a job, building a career and relationships at work is a lot like dating, isn’t it? You have to market yourself, have a good profile and create an online presence that differentiates yourself from the crowd - then, there’s a period of searching, and the feeling of the first impression, while going through all sorts of emotions like disappointment, rejection, and excitement. What we may not have thought about yet, though, is that during both processes, if you can be authentic and vulnerable, and take risks, you will learn so much about yourself, while realizing that no career or dating successes can define who you are and your self worth.
1. THE MOST ATTRACTIVE VERSION OF YOURSELF IS THAT WHICH IS THE MOST AUTHENTIC, CONFIDENT, AND PRESENT
In both business and dating, until you can walk up to someone as your whole self, there’s work to be done. Connelll explains that being authentic opens the door to genuine connections, building lasting relationships based on shared interests and personalities. He explains that interactions should be present, playful, and personal. On a date, talk about one another, and get more personal as the connection strengthens. Moreover, make sure you are actively present, listening to what the other person has to say rather than worrying about what you should say.
2. THE MYTH OF THE MACHO MAN DESERVES TO BE ABOLISHED ONCE AND FOR ALL
In his new book, Dating sucks but you don't, Connell explains that there is no rational basis in the myth that men need to be handsome, rich, and well-connected. Rather, women are looking for an authentic, confident man who has reasonable career certainty and treats her right. Nice guys won’t finish last if they walk around with enough confidence; in fact, being empathetic with your date might take you a lot farther than having a six-pack. The counter myth for women, that “nice girls don’t get the corner office,” Connell explains, is also just that - a myth.
3. ONLINE DATING IS MARKETING. UNTIL YOU HAVE A DATE, THAT IS.
Connell argues that Online Dating is simply building a marketable package that you present to others; until you have a date, the entire app is a marketing scheme. To win at marketing, you need to A) stand out and be different in some way and B) offer something of value to the person on the other end. So, guys, use your online profiles to offer a different angle, an authentic one, that also shows women that there’s something in it for them–maybe a date, an adventure, or even just a coffee.
4. BONUS: FOR THE LADIES...
Although Connell’s book is mostly for men, it’s great reading for any audience. In this podcast, Connell offers some advice for women too. He advises that women think about questions to ask their date beforehand about who he is, his career, his passions and hobbies, and anything else of interest. He advocates that women should never be afraid to flirt first; compliment him, introduce an R or pg-13-rated subject, or engage in physical touching early. These introductory signals will ease the tension on the male’s side, greenlighting flirting as a method of communication.
🎧 To learn more about the connection between dating and work, Connell Barrett, or to find yourself a mentor in Cece, head to the Dear Accountant Podcast here.
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💬 About our guest, Connell Barrett: Connell Barrett is the founder of Dating Transformation, where he serves as an international coach who helps guys connect with women by unlocking their best, trust, most confident selves. Connell has appeared on shows such as Access Hollywood, the Today show, and Good Morning LA, and in many magazines, including Best Life; Cosmopolitan; O, The Oprah Magazine; and Playboy. He’s also a dating coach for The League - a swiping app aimed at high-achievers - and an advisor for AskMen and Elite Daily. In 2019, Datezie.com named him “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach''.” Connell was formerly an Executive Editor at Sports Illustrated and he has written for Esquire, Men’s Journal, and Salon. He lives and works in New York City.
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